seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
