probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
