We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
