i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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