i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
