ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Cover your peen. We're going out.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
