think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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