How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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