i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
