Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
