There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
