He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Found your dick twin last night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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