please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
