If that was your dad, he is hot
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
