i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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