thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
