sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
