R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
