girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
