Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
