i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
