i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She's the barista slut.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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