omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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