tell your sister to shave her snatch
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
