just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
