So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
