Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
