are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
