Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
