Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
