Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
