Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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