I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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