So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
