And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
