im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
