Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
