just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
