Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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