Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
