I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
