Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
