I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
