have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
