Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
