Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
