I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
