I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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