like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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