If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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